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I dreamt I had been given a walking stick carved with talismans and writings and images as an important and powerful gift to be with me for the rest of my life. Later, I was stopped by someone who knew what it who said, “Do you know what this is? Do you know what you have?” Read more on Dreamy Thoughts (or, Wow, I'm a Nerd.)… . . . → Read More: Dreamy Thoughts (or, Wow, I'm a Nerd.) I spent more time today poking here and there in my old LiveJournal, which I started in 2003, and wrote in, religiously sometimes up to 7 times per day until 2009 with titles like, “If I could wear my iPod in the tub, I'd be in heaven,” “I wish I could spread my happy chemicals to all of you,” "My life is dull but I don't care because I'm going to sleep soon," & "If you see latex balloons and piles of sticks in the yard, you'll know he already started," and the periodic girls-only posts where I discussed things like lingere, sex, birth control, periods, my feelings about my body and found a (mostly) safe place to talk about my struggles with my marriage. Read more on Hi Ether. Did you miss me? (aka: oh my gosh, it's one in the morning!)… . . . → Read More: Hi Ether. Did you miss me? (aka: oh my gosh, it's one in the morning!) Privacy, how do you reconcile it with all the words that want to come out? . . . → Read More: Privacy I usually write posts in the evening when I have these thinky-thoughts and am feeling a theme to Mah Life, but since it's morning things inside my head are a little more static-y. Read more on AH MAH GAH WE HAZ ZITS… . . . → Read More: AH MAH GAH WE HAZ ZITS There is all kinds of random craziness today. For example, I'm getting ready to move and my landlady's friend came over to turn on my sprinklers because even though my ex-husband AND my boyfriend both spent quite a while trying to do it, neither of them knew about the top secret extra valve hidden behind a vent in the basement. No really, that's what the problem was. How anyone was supposed to know that, I do not know. Read more on Madness. It's all madness…. . . . → Read More: Madness. It's all madness. 
Mettle Sometimes when I look at my life and think, my goal before I got here must have been that I wanted to gain some independence and strength that I didn't previously have. It's not that I don't need friends (because I do) and it's not that I'm without heart (because oh, I have a tender one) and it's not that I didn't want love (because I did!) but it's that I wanted to develop a new fiber within myself that could really handle the stress and pressure and hard things. . . . → Read More: Taproot 
Someone ordered it wrapped, so I wrapped it! I've been spending a lot of time shipping lately. This is something I used to do all the time. Every spare moment I had, I was either sewing or shipping, and then later even more shipping. And answering email. As things grew, I brought people on to help me. I really needed the help. And it felt good to not be the one doing EVERYTHING. And I'm still not the one doing everything. I do have help. Some. But I'm back to shipping and carrying and doing things I used to do. And I've got less help with this level of workload than I've ever had. If that makes sense. Read more on The answer is none. None more rich…. . . . → Read More: The answer is none. None more rich. Dear Internet, I know you keep asking yourself, when is Soozy going to post a self-indulgent bathroom self-portrait and try to pass it off as the ultimate meta comment on narcissism? Well, wonder no more. Today is your lucky day. . . . → Read More: Bathroom self-portrait series, I'm just waiting for my gallery showing. Any day now. I'm doing the Master Cleanse right now.
That means that instead of distracting myself with eating, I'm having to actually deal with my feelings.
I didn't realize how often I'd reach for something to eat or drink to numb myself.
Now that the drug is gone, the emotions come. And I feel them. And sometimes they burn through me with intense searing pain, like a fever. I think it hurts because I'm not used to feeling them so acutely and there is Read more on MC Day 2, or, fevers always break in the night… . . . → Read More: MC Day 2, or, fevers always break in the night |
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