Sometimes I wish that I had infinite energy so I could execute my infinite ideas. There are so many, what am I going to do with all these ideas? If I didn't get tired or didn't need to sleep or eat or bathe, oh just think what I could do.
But I kind of like sleeping and eating is one of life's great pleasures and even soaking in a tub is a kind of lovely.
Will I get multiple lives to execute all these ideas? Or does this one life contain multiple lives within it, with phases and seasons inside it? Or is it both?
Though actually sometimes I just like sitting next to someone I love and feeling the earth move and watching the clouds float by, and not worry about a to-do list or a project I want to accomplish. That's pretty good too, and then I think, maybe I don't need to do everything. Is that age coming on me? Maybe it would be okay to just relax and enjoy life as it rolls around and not have to constantly push things through life.
The kids are going to be here on Monday afternoon for the whole summer, and then they are going to start school here and live with me most of the time. I am so excited about this. I need my kids near me, more often, and under my roof. I think they need me too. I have plans, big plans. I am streamlining everything I do for work as fast as I can so that I can accomplish everything I do there (or more!) in less time, so that I can keep a consistent schedule and when I am home I am home.
I'm going to start doing Menu Mailer again. I want to take them on excursions and field trips, and do projects and all that. I feel my life settling back from the uproar it has been in for the last several years as Ryan and I move furniture around, rearrange the entire house, and get everything ready for them to be here for reals, not just sometimes.
I share 50/50 custody with their dad and they have been living with him for the last year and I have been the after-school support, including having Hazel starting at 11 am when kindergarten got out, and driving carpool for Sam every day, and then being with the kids until their dad got home. They came and stayed with me when they were off track (usually 3 weeks at a time every 6 weeks) and also tons of weekends. But this will be different. They will be Living with me! Even with seeing my kids as much as I have, I have felt very out-of-place this last year as I worked this arrangement.
Of course all my friends tell me that 3 days into this I'll be over it. I do know that will be true. But I also know that this is how things should be. It just is!
Yesterday we went to my storage unit, pulled half the stuff out, got out (some of) what we needed. This included me digging through countless boxes I vaguely labeled as “BEDDING.” I vowed to label future storage more specifically, but then double-vowed to not NEED to do this kind of storage ever again. Thank heavens I did find the floral sheets I bought for my girls when I was expecting Hazel, and all the down and down-alternative comforters, and even Henry's Star Wars bedsheets. We went to Macy's and then RCWilley to find a mattress for his mom that will fit her new room, and then we went to the RCWilley warehouse to pick it up.
I also got a dish scrubber that looks like a flower. The one at Macy's doesn't have a stand, but it does match our kitchen. It turns out this company makes all kinds of cool things, including a giraffe toilet brush, a dustpan and broom that looks like a peacock, and a duster that looks like a skunk. This is just the beginning – and I find myself wanting all of these things, what a great idea, omg! so I just carefully close the browser window and calm myself down. (But OMG THERE IS AN ICE CREAM SCOOP THAT LOOKS LIKE A WHALE!!!!11!)
Also at Macy's I got Henry a pillow top for his mattress and a mattress pad that will fit over the pillow top. He confided to me that while he wanted very much to live with me, he found his bed kind of hard and uncomfortable. Henry almost never asks me for anything so when he does make a request or a comment like this, I jump to give him what he needs. All my other kids spend every moment peppering me with requests and demands, and he never does, so when he does want something, I really do make it happen. (There's a lesson here, maybe?)
We are all rearranging and squishing in and organizing. It's all very democratic, really. Ryan has been working so hard on all of this, and he is amazing at execution and heavy lifting. So far we have reorganized the kitchen, including adding in a silverware drawer of my silverware all in the same pattern (ahhh bliss!!!)
And I got more Fiestaware to match what I already had. We have Scarlet, Tangerine, Sunflower, Turquoise & Peacock. We are almost out of room in the cupboard but I still want Lemongrass. I'll have that desire percolate in the back of my head long enough that someday I'll half-wake in the middle of the night and order it with my Amazon 1-click and forget about it until the UPS man brings us a prize.
I haven't been excited about dishes in years. But I am actually excited about these. They are so pretty in the sink, and in the dishwasher and dish drain, on the table, in the cupboard. These plus real silverware have made me sooooo happy. I feel like I'm finally in my kitchen, and it feels so good.
I didn't work on my business at all today – not one teeny tiny bit (okay I peeked at one forum for ½ second), and it felt fantastic! I have a goal to really take weekends off, not just half-way take weekends off.
We went to Target and got some clothes and bedding & other random things we needed and then went major grocery shopping. When we came home I detailed the refrigerator (now I need to do this to my car!), Ryan and I washed all the dirty dishes, Ryan put Henry's bed together and we made his bed for him (with the mattress topper it looks like a big Star Wars covered marshmallow, and we even managed to make and eat homemade hummus, and sat outside to eat it until the heat got the better of is.
Now the day is over, and in writing this entry I realize maybe just regular life is going to be enough to keep me busy and I don't need to worry too much about turning every single possibly-awesome-but-an-entire-job-all-by-itself idea into reality. I'm going to have plenty to do as it is, and it's the best project of all.